Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

Personal wish: a golden locket to hold a picture of me and my best friend. Top gift ideas: college funds, outdoor equipment, family trips, gift certificates, sponsoring a child, hobby supplies. Avoid indoor things that make your child addicted, lazy, stubborn, and friendless. Worst gifts: school supplies; anything displaying “little kid” logos. Top books: Manga, Sold, Speak, Kite Runner, the Uglies.

For someone working her way through college, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, all make great gifts.

I’m asking for money contributions for a trip to Europe when I graduate and my mom is taking me to San Francisco for fun and shopping. My Grandpa once took me on a shopping spree and I enjoyed it because I also got to spend time with him. But if you’re at a loss, popular gift cards are: Old Navy, Macy’s, Pac Sun, Buckle, Best Buy, Blockbuster, Borders, restaurants, movie theaters, and iTunes.

Rent money, gas money. Books: Life Inc. and anything by David Foster Wallace.

I play guitar so my list has headphones, an effects pedal, and an audio interface for recording.

iPhone remains the hot cell phone, but Goggle Android is coming on strong with real buttons rather than in-screen touch, making it much faster for typing. Cameras: Lately, it’s video, video, video. The Flip UltraHD Camcorder is about $200 and uploading to Facebook, Picasa, or U-Tube is effortless. For point-and-shoot, though, stick with Canon or Nikon. Best social tech games: Wii Sports Resort (lots of new games) and Rock Band (which has karaoke). Top board games: Carcassonne, Puerto Rico, Settlers of Catan (the big strategy game in college right now). Ultimate family card game: Apples to Apples. Other ideas: Gerber or Leatherman multi-tools, and “car kits” (containing flashlight, flares, multi-tool, first-aid kit, energy bars). Books of the year: Life Inc. and I Will Teach You to be Rich.

Best books: George R. R. Martin, Song of Ice and Fire.

I love etsy.com an online store with variety like Amazon, but focused on crafts, a do-it-yourself ethic, and ability to shop locally. Favorite DVD: Up. Books: Raw: The Uncook Book, How It All Vegan! and Wood Nymph Seeks Centaur.

I’m hoping for clothes and cosmetology-related items like hair products and sheers. Desired books: House of Night series.

I find gift cards impersonal and prefer homemade gifts: quilted blankets, knitting, homemade candles, sweets, framed poetry or photos. But who couldn’t use a tank of gas, movie tickets, a meal, or a deposit to their savings? Pointless presents are the worst. Who really wants erasers, figurines, or a fancy alarm clock? For a friend, I bought a card and said dinner was on me. She absolutely loved it and we got to spend time together.

Let him go. Comparing this situation to others I’ve seen, he isn’t interested romantically, he’s just trying to be nice. It is excellent to notice that he becomes less cheerful around you. That alone is a good reason to back off. The thing with obsessions (I’ve been there too), is you don’t notice anybody else and miss out on other great people. At your age you should explore different personalities to see who you click with.

Rule of thumb: If you have to ask, he’s not interested. If a guy likes you, you would know. Since he keeps finding excuses to duck out, it sounds like he just doesn’t want to be mean. This may sound counter-intuitive, but your best chance of having something work out in the future is to move on. Obsession is unattractive and ruins things.

Learn that if a guy wants you, he’ll get you. If he doesn’t ask to be with you in the next week, get over it and look elsewhere.

Hate to break it to you, but it’s called a crush for a reason and we’ve all been there. But you can enjoy a crush, too. It can be fun to see someone and “fantasize” about him. Just don’t expect anything.

At that age, I was pretty immature about communicating feelings to the opposite sex. If that’s him, maybe share your feelings by email or letter, while letting him know that being friends is also cool. But be prepared for an immature reaction.

I really liked this upperclassman and we were always hanging out, flirting and laughing. I wanted to see if something was there so I confided my feelings in a letter. Now I really regret doing that versus speaking to him, because had I spoken to him, he would have at least said something to me, instead I got absolutely no response. Now it’s hard even being friends it feels so awkward. In the future, I’d let the guy make the first moves. I put myself in a vulnerable situation and it really hurt.

I once met a mother who pulled her daughter out of a fashion show right as we were stepping on stage because the show was in support of gay marriage. This woman seriously overreacted to the situation, but it was because of her beliefs and her devotion to her daughter. Your mother may be overreacting, too, but it’s what she needs in order to feel comfortable. You probably won’t change her feelings — and even though you don’t agree with them, you need to respect them.

I am straight but my best friend is bisexual and it’s never been an issue. We share a bed and change in front of each other and I never feel uncomfortable. She is my best friend, that’s what best friends do. Honestly, your mom has nothing to worry about. She needs to get over it. Just because your friend is a lesbian doesn’t mean she is a pervert who wants to have sex with every girl she sees.

I also have gay and bi friends and your mom is overreacting. I would suggest sitting her down and assuring her that nothing is going to happen. Ask her to give it a chance and not be so quick to judge. My dad doesn’t have a problem with my gay and bi friends staying over.

As long as you live in your mom’s house, it’s her rules, whether you like it or not. Frankly, I think she’s scared that you and your friend might do something unintended in the “heat of the moment”. I know you think it’s unfair, but when you move out, you can do things your way.

I was raised where saying “poop” cost me soap in my mouth. Despite this, I ended up with quite the foul tongue. Yet I would never swear in front of an elder or a child. Your mother is right.

These are the house rules, so, Joanne has to watch her mouth. For me, swearing is not a regular part of speech. Still, things slip out. But when I’m around friends’ little siblings, I automatically begin monitoring myself.

I can totally see why your mom doesn’t want Joanne around. Cuss words are filth, not simple adjectives. They are used to imply great demeaning. Even if it is “common” to her household, please ask her not to use those words. People think you have problems when you cuss, even if you are the most caring person around. Maybe if your mom gets to know her better and Joanne respects her rules, there will be future invitations to your house.

Rarely can anything else provide the emphasis of a good S or F when you need it. However, most of the time, swearing just makes you seem young and ignorant. Certainly if you make it a habit, you will slip up. My recommendation is to ask Joanne to completely refrain at your house, then tell your mom she agrees to be on best behavior.

Words are just words. I cuss pretty regularly and wish I didn’t because I slip up, too, sometimes even at work. My parents hardly ever swore around me when I was young and they didn’t allow it in the house until I got older. But I think it is ridiculous to be so intolerant. Second chances are in order.

I don’t think your mother should ban Joanne. Talk to her about not judging someone for how they speak. So many teens use vulgar language, it is infectious. Even I slip up occasionally. Maybe implement a swear jar, where if you swear, you pay the jar.

Slutty? Camel toes are simply bad taste! I don’t dress slutty for Halloween, but some people find it the perfect occasion for the excuse. Bottom line: don’t wear anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Tell your friends your mom won’t allow it

A camel toe is never a good look on anybody, so draw the line right there. Nowadays you can stand out by NOT dressing slutty.

Camel toes? Camel toes aren’t slutty, they’re unattractive — even to guys! Girls get made fun of for that!

Halloween has become an excuse for girls to dress slutty, but that doesn’t mean you’re forced into it. Basic rule: no body parts hanging out of clothing, nothing protruding or showing through.

I love dressing up for Halloween but it is hard to discern what is appropriate. Use this guide: if you would be embarrassed to be seen by your parents, their friends, or a store clerk, it’s too slutty.

Showing off your body and dressing slutty is totally okay on Halloween, but drawing the line where you’re uncomfortable isn’t being a prude, it’s called respecting yourself! Even if you wear more clothes than your friends, if you act confident you will get attention, no worries!

I hate it when people dress slutty for Halloween. One, they could send the wrong message and be raped, and two, AREN’T THEY COLD?! The line between “fashionable” slutty versus “icky” slutty is when clothes are skintight, you can see down a girl’s shirt when she bends over, or she’s wearing 2-inch inseam shorts or skirts with high heels. Me, I’m wearing a full suit of armor that covers every part of my body.

There are boundaries for everything. Yes, Halloween gives girls freedom to dress as they normally wouldn’t and they probably won’t get a reputation for this one night, but I would never objectify myself in ways that make me uncomfortable, nor should you. If you’d rather stay covered up a little, compensate by doing your hair, makeup and accessories more wildly than normal.

A camel toe may work for celebrities, but even there it’s considered disgusting, slutty, and something to laugh at. To know what’s sexy, but not slutty, look in clothing catalogues like Alloy or Victoria’s Secret.

Halloween is a time to dress up and be something you’re not. It’s exciting to be scary, weird, or taboo — which these days, means slutty. But just because it’s Halloween doesn’t mean your outfit won’t reflect on you or that people won’t remember it.

You CAN report him for abuse. Verbal abuse is a form of domestic abuse. Call the National Domestic Violence Helpline at 1-800-799-SAFE or go to their website, www.ndvh.org. You can also tell a counselor or trusted adult. The more support, the better.

Tell your brother how much you care and support him. Explain how pathetic and small it is for someone to need to get drunk every night and pick on others, and how big he is to deal with it. Give your mom a wake-up call about how intolerable the situation has become. She may be dependent on your stepfather, but maybe she has cards she can play after all. Build a strong relationship with your brother before you finish high school and move out. Maybe start an evening study group to get him out of the house more.

Verbal abuse is still abuse and needs to be reported, whether to a school counselor or the police. Your mom needs to take responsibility for this, but if she won’t/can’t do anything, bring somebody else in. Is your father in the picture? Maybe it’s time to live with him.

I’ve seen verbal abuse first-hand and it can be just as harmful as physical abuse. Go to the police or child protective services. Verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse — and can cause your brother to act out violently as he gets older.

I was the middle child and only girl and my father was physically abusive to my brothers and my mom. He would pack his bags pretending to leave us on a regular basis knowing we couldn’t make it without his support. Somehow, in our teen years, we stopped fearing him and did as we pleased in order to stay safe. Eventually, we each moved out, my youngest brother at the age of 19. In June, he killed himself in his apartment. His notes blamed my parents — who remain in complete denial that they ever hit us or said anything but ‘loving phrases’. Even as I love them, I will never forgive them. I just wish I could’ve known what all that hate could drive a person to do.

Because of the alcohol, I know if your brother stuck up for himself, the abuse would turn physical. But that doesn’t mean you lay down and take it. You need to tell a counselor or call the cops. Anybody could be calling about the noise, just ask that your identity be confidential. There is no other escape from this. Please get help.

Yes and yes. My mom hates accidentally walking in on me half-naked — and I’m a girl! Be firm with her, or bring in support from others. Apparently nice didn’t work.

Bottom line: if it makes you uncomfortable, she needs to stop.

There is no way I would feel comfortable with my father walking around nude. It is definitely not acceptable — especially since you informed her that it makes you uncomfortable! Since your vague explanation didn’t work, either be more precise, or be adamant that her behavior is NOT okay.

There is a time called puberty — when changing, showering, and using the restroom become private. When I was a teenage girl, my father would walk in my room without knocking, too, and I’m pretty sure that could be considered domestic sexual abuse. I bought a lock for my door and explained that unless barging in on me was an act he wished returned, it should no longer happen.

I would feel completely uncomfortable in your position. I would talk to your dad about it, or give her this column.

This has to stop! Unless you belong to a cult, age 16 is way beyond the point where family nudity is appropriate. You need to bring in an adult who can help. If your father is in the picture, have him talk to her — or, if possible, go live with him for awhile. As for your bedroom, buy your own lock.

Yes, you should have privacy in your room, but I see nothing wrong with your mother being comfortable in her own home. Also, it is common for young men to sometimes be attracted to their mothers.