http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/ en straighttalkforteens@gmail.com Copyright 2010 2010-09-01T14:44:34+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/college_kids_give_tips_on_stretching_a_dollar/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/college_kids_give_tips_on_stretching_a_dollar/#When:14:44:34Z Editor’s Note: I’m happy to share that credit card reform law was passed in 2009 and was phased in this year. It is designed to protect young consumers (under age 21) from being wooed into a vicious debt cycle. The college student was formerly a hot target for card companies who signed up students at school events, often with promotions of free pizza and T-shirts. According to 2008 data, students were graduating from college with an average credit card debt of $4100, up from $2900 only four years earlier. In 2008, only 15 percent of freshmen did not carry a balance on a credit card. Now, if you are under 21, you need an adult co-signer to get a card. Hooray for reform! I maintain that making good friends (by being a good friend yourself) is and always will be, the best credit in the world. College is a time when many lifetime friendships are forged, and here’s something about stretching a dollar that makes those connections that much more meaningful — while turning boys and girls into resourceful men and women. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m leaving for college this week and am nervous about finances. I have taken out loans, a grant helps with my dorm and tuition, but there’s not enough to cover everything. Through high school I had to pay my own bills, so I don’t have savings. I am leaving with $100, a laptop and my bicycle, hoping to find part-time work once I get there. Do any of the panelists have tips on how to stretch a dollar in college? My dorm meal-ticket only covers 14 meals a week. And how do you make friends when you have no money? — Tim Money, Work, College, Friendship 2010-09-01T14:44:34+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/school_showers_special_hell_for_some_boys/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/school_showers_special_hell_for_some_boys/#When:14:26:39Z Editor’s Note: Oh, to be able to return to high school and handle a situation like this with the confidence and moral strength of an adult! Using humor, turning the tables, knowing that insults say more about the thrower than the target, seeing people for who they are rather than buying the “story” about that person, and when justified, “kindly telling someone to shove it,” all come naturally to a confident adult. Yet I’ve met rare teenagers with this kind of confidence and moral compass, too. What most don’t realize is how powerful their “showing up” is. We each possess enormous influence and don’t even know it. Everyone is watching each other to see “how to be.” When we step forward and do something brave, like standing up for someone treated wrongly, it gives others permission to also operate out of compassion and strength, rather than fear, ego, and “fitting in at all costs.” I hope today’s column inspires someone to be brave the next time it is needed. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am writing about communal showers from a guy’s point of view. They have ruined my life. At least girls can admit feeling nervous about showering, but guys consider it a macho thing. Any guy who avoids taking showers is labeled a wimp or queer, so you don’t have much choice but to shower even if the PE coach isn’t strict — although most are strict as part of their macho thing. I felt the same embarrassment the girls wrote about, but it caused a problem no girl has to face. It caused me to get erections. Everybody started saying I was gay. However, I’m not gay, it was just a reaction to the embarrassment and I stopped getting them after a few months. That was two years ago but the label persists. When I say I’m not gay, they say, “Then who’s your girlfriend?” and laugh. Girls want nothing to do with me and I don’t have any guy friends either because they get labeled as gay. If anybody has advice, I would like to hear it. — Anonymous Male Issues, School - In General, Peer Pressure, Bullying 2010-08-25T14:26:39+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/girls_bathroom_brings_out_worst_manners/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/girls_bathroom_brings_out_worst_manners/#When:15:00:41Z Editor’s Note: I am saddened by the continual accounts of bullying in our public schools — especially as I know that it is not a fait accompli (meaning: beyond alteration). As Akasha notes, this kind of behavior is the last thing she would ever find at her private school. She attends a Waldorf school, which is the fastest-growing pedagogical movement in the world. The teachers and staff work diligently from Kindergarten onward to instill a moral code of conduct so that students “…stand guard over truth, look up to the noble, resolve on the good…” (extracted from a verse by Rudolph Steiner that grade school students recite daily). Principles of non-violent communication could easily be an ongoing part of our public school curriculum too. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My sister is disabled and uses a wheelchair. She needs help in the bathroom so I arrange to meet her in the girls’ bathroom at school. Obviously, we need to use the disabled stall. When the bathroom is crowded we sometimes have to be assertive about demanding the right to priority for it. We get lots of dirty looks and cruel comments and some girls tell us to “wait our turn.” Our parents want to go to administration and demand that the kids be punished and that we be given priority since that’s the law. We don’t want to do that as it would cause us to be ostracized even more. Already girls say things like, “How can you stand to do that?” which is humiliating for my sister to hear. What is the best way to handle this without getting others in trouble? — Cathy School - In General, Handicap, Bullying, Rudeness 2010-08-18T15:00:41+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/dads_pot_habit_riles_daughter/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/dads_pot_habit_riles_daughter/#When:15:21:19Z Editor’s Note: Yes, I did say to tell on the sister. I really do have no love for marijuana or lame habits. And the younger you are when you start, the worse the potential effects. As I’ve said before, today’s weed is 10-25 times stronger than the pot your parents smoked. And your parents were typically ages 18-23 when they started, not 13-19. The adolescent brain is in a huge growth period and weed can bring out negative neurological traits that otherwise would have remained dormant. I’ve seen “just weed” clearly and definitely change young people in a negative way. Yet for many other young people, there are no convincing negative effects, which is where the confusion lies in thinking weed is harmless. If you’re a teen and want to do something good for yourself, put off experimenting with weed until you’re over 21. (Best: don’t smoke it even then.) And if you’re a parent who smokes, quit or cut back to the point that you are 100 percent discreet. Your kids really do need a role model. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My dad has been smoking pot since he was 25. He is now 50. I first caught him smoking it outside last Christmas, but he usually smokes in his bathroom. We had huge family fights over it and my mom almost left him, but since it was Christmas we decided to deal with it later and it never arose again. He hasn’t stopped and my sister has her own problems. Do you have any pointers on why pot is bad for you? He thinks it’s natural. He will smoke sometimes and then drive me places, but shouldn’t you wait six hours? It’s just so wrong. I don’t want to grow up like him or my sister. — Jessica Driving - In General, Family Life - In General, Marijuana 2010-08-11T15:21:19+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/cold_feet_over_school_showers/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/cold_feet_over_school_showers/#When:15:57:39Z Editor’s Web Note: Like the spotted owl, school showers have become an endangered species (in this case, taken over by gobs of deodorant). None of the responding panelists even have mandatory showers. Teens of every generation have cringed at the idea of public showers, but schools used to require them anyway. I suspect the reasons for their demise revolve around obesity, hover-craft parents protective of their child’s “self esteem,” and liability issues around “forcing” anyone to be publicly nude when there could be “gay” people in the shower. What a upside down world! Sexualized nudity of perfect bodies has become an everyday virtual phenomenon, while real-time non-sexual nudity of ordinary bodies has become something to fear. Is a cold shower in order?! —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m starting middle school this fall and will have to change for gym class in the locker room and even take communal showers. The gym teacher is strict about making everybody shower every day. I’m very shy about my body and know I can’t handle this. Nobody ever sees me naked but my sister, my best friend when we have sleepovers, and once in a great while, my mom. Anybody else will be a problem. My older sister has been through it and says she felt uncomfortable and embarrassed at first, but soon it was no big deal. She says the girls don’t go out of their way to look at each other and nobody puts you down if your body isn’t perfect (mine certainly isn’t). She says she also realized that it doesn’t really matter since you all have the same body parts. All this is logical, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. I’m starting to get really worried. Please give me some advice on how to handle this. — Worried in Sacramento School - In General, Nudity, Body Image, Bullying 2010-08-04T15:57:39+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/lucy_in_the_sky_with_dmt_todays_lsd/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/lucy_in_the_sky_with_dmt_todays_lsd/#When:12:03:39Z Editor’s Web Note: Just for the record, when the Beatles produced “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” (marking their LSD phase), they were all over age 25. Drugs, sex, and rock ‘n roll really are happening younger and younger — it’s not our imagination. This is important to note when parents sigh, “But didn’t we do that when we were young too?” Actually, most youth who used drugs from the Boomer era were pretty clean until after high school. Experimenting started, on average, four to five years later than it does now — and the brain is considerably more developed at these older ages. The hallucinogens discussed today, DMT and salvia, are new to most parents’ awareness. Sacred plants had a role in the ancient origins of every world religion. Their capacity to “generate the experience of God within” has huge potential for healing mental illnesses and for evolving consciousness. But the “bright light,” can both illuminate and blind. These drugs are not for children (of any age), nor for kicks. While DMT is a Schedule 1 drug, salvia and ayahuasca are legal. Parents: please discourage your teenager or college student from using these drugs. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: Can you tell me if DMT is safe? Articles I’ve read in Spirituality & Health magazine seem to indicate it is probably okay to use for a mind-expanding, healing experience. But I’m wary. I’ve heard there are different types of DMT and that some are hard to recover from. I took sacred mushrooms in Mexico and it was an extremely healing and helpful experience, but the dose was small. I’m an elder. I know wisdom can be obtained from sacred plants with a qualified guide, but it’s not worth having a bad reaction or messing up my mind. What do you advise? Also, what should I say to young people curious about DMT? — Caite Mathis, Nevada Drugs - In General, Hallucinogens, Religion & Spirituality, Depression & Mental Health 2010-07-28T12:03:39+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/can_you_trust_calling_parents_for_a_ride/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/can_you_trust_calling_parents_for_a_ride/#When:16:42:10Z Editor’s Web Note: Many parents insist they can be called. But parents, will your teen actually call you? In a 2007 Center for Disease Control survey, in that past month, three out of ten teenagers rode in a car with a driver who had been drinking. Teens say they don’t want to be “judged.” But actually, they do want to be judged — they just want it to be judged fairly. In the case of “Monterey’s” sister, it sounds like the parents did what they believed was right by breaking up their daughter’s relationship. However, to the daughters, the action wasn’t fair. Neither will call her parents again in this situation. So, this time to parents: Please be more resourceful! Here’s an alternative response: Call the boy the next day and have him over for a talk. Treating him and your daughter respectfully (after all, he did not drive their daughter home and she did exactly what you wanted her to do), restrict their visits to your home for the next month in order to be “assured of his character” before letting your daughter out with him again. This is parental, yet fair. Now if the boy walks, it’s not your fault. And if you use the month as a teaching/bonding opportunity, you’ve built something instead of torn something down. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My boyfriend got drunk on Fourth of July and, still, I let him drive me home. Nobody could give me a ride and the alternative was calling my parents. They would have come and gotten me, but then they wouldn’t have let me see my boyfriend anymore. I know this for a fact, because it happened to my sister. Now she stays home alone in our room on weekends, depressed and watching videos while I’m out having a good time. She says if she could do it over, she would have let her boyfriend drive her home. She feels she’s being punished for doing what our parents always told us to do. Yes, losing a boyfriend is better than being killed, but if it happens again I’m torn between taking another calculated risk or ending up like my sister, sad and depressed. You probably have no choice but advise against the risk, but I would still appreciate your comments. — Monterey, Calif. Driving - In General, Family Life - In General, Dating, Alcohol 2010-07-21T16:42:10+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/caffeine_overdose_blues/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/caffeine_overdose_blues/#When:16:43:50Z Editor’s Web Note: Lest you wonder why every small town breeds Starbucks like rabbits, consider a Wall Street Journal study that found a cup of joe at Starbucks has 56% more caffeine than coffee sold in gas marts and pastry shops. The study showed it was the need to stave off withdrawals that brought people back — not taste. Caffeine withdrawals begin 12 to 24 hours after the last sip. If not re-tanked to the same height, you pay with headaches, irritability, drowsiness and difficulty concentrating. America loves the free market and, obviously, kids aren’t forced to drink Red Bull or Starbucks. But as one teen lamented, “The companies that seduce us with addictive products are run by parents. Don’t they care how we turn out?” Answer: Not more than they care about making money. Parents: it really does help to constantly discourage your teen from drinking caffeinated products and constantly remind them how bad these products are for their health. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m 16. Does anyone have advice for how to get off caffeine? Every day I need a coffee or energy drink fix, usually more than once. I feel so sluggish without them. It’s summer and I’d like to clean up my act. Help! — Santa Rosa, Calif. Health - In General, Food & Nutrition, Caffeine 2010-07-14T16:43:50+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/fatherlessness_a_major_factor_in_teen_failures/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/fatherlessness_a_major_factor_in_teen_failures/#When:17:09:44Z Editor’s Web Note: As of 2003, there were 10 million single-mother families and 2 million single-father families in this country. As educated young women grow more and more dedicated to achievements and careers, many are opting for casual hookups rather than serious romantic relationships so as not to derail their progress. To this end, more women than ever are choosing to have children on their own. In 2004, half the births to women ages 20-25 and 30 percent of births to women 25-29 were to unmarried women. While most of these women were probably in some kind of relationship, we don’t know its strength. With the heartbreaking effects of fatherlessness on children (and its huge cost to society) (see the stats in today’s column), I wish more young adults (including teens) were encouraged to succumb to that old-fashioned notion of “falling in love,” something parents have been discouraging for an entire generation. Learning through love (not just sex), is what teaches a person how to make a long-term relationship work. Then when children are born, the relationship will at least have a fighting chance of not being discarded at the first inconvenience or impediment to personal growth. Sex-ed classes and parents need to move beyond the “safety of co-mingled body parts” when we teach teens about sex, and include the importance of love, commitment, and sacred intimacy. Our kids’ kids are depending on it. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I am stepfather to three teenagers. I have attended several high school commencements and have noticed a pattern of students thanking their moms but never their dads. Many students thank their “family” but I have never once heard a dad singled out — yet many mothers are. Are dads really that absent in children’s lives, or simply unsung heroes? What could those dads who provide and are present in child-rearing do to make their role more visible? It seems they aren’t making much of an impression. — Bellevue, Wash. Family Life - In General, The Sex Talk (see also Sex), Jail, Juvenile Hall, Prison, Male Issues, Relationships - In General, Love, Marriage, School - In General, The Sex Talk 2010-07-07T17:09:44+00:00 http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/stepdads_smoke_permeates_small_apartment/ http://straighttalkforteens.com/index.php/teen-advice/entry/stepdads_smoke_permeates_small_apartment/#When:16:58:28Z Editor’s Web Note: To all teens who smoke: Quit now. Not only is it easier when you’re young, but today’s letter could be written about you in a few short years. Do you think “Stepdad” ever saw this belligerent future for himself when he was your age? No, but it happens. I’ve had letters from gagging teens forced to dine together while a parent smokes at table. (Family values in action!) Tobacco is a great example of how addictions cause boorish behavior without the excuse of being “high” that alcohol and other drugs have. That’s how addiction works: whether the substance makes you high or not, when it needs to be “fed,” and can get away with it, it almost always cancels out doing what’s right. —LaurenDEAR STRAIGHT TALK: In the recent letter from “Smoked-Out,” about her sister’s boyfriend sneaking cigarettes in their bedroom, at least she has house no-smoking rules on her side. But what if it’s your parent or step-parent who smokes? Our stepdad is a very heavy smoker — and heavy drinker — and his smoke permeates our small apartment. My sister and I stick to our room with the door closed and window open as much as we can. It helps some, but not that much. His attitude is, “I pay the rent and I’ll smoke if I want. Anybody who doesn’t like it can leave!” He’s very domineering and our mom, who is financially dependent on him, is afraid to stand up to him. She has no job skills and says that even skilled people are having trouble getting jobs these days, so we’d end up homeless if he left. If anybody has any ideas for our situation, I’d love to hear them because the smoke really bothers us. — Marie, Santa Ana, Calif. Family Life - In General, Health - In General, Tobacco 2010-06-30T16:58:28+00:00